Fearless Social Confidence Book

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Book notes on Fearless Social Confidence

fearless-social-confidence-bookFearless Social Confidence is a book on social anxiety by Patrick King. I’m listening to the audiobook version.

In this post, I’ll take random notes based on what I’m learning as I listen to Fearless Social Confidence. I don’t promise the notes will be in an order that makes sense.

These are the thoughts and impression I get as I listen. View the post that way, looking for gems that might serve you.

Fearless Social Confidence by Patrick King

People hire life coaches, therapists, and healers of all kinds. Is it possible to make strides on social anxiety from a book? Let’s see where this goes!

The author tells a personal story to draw those of us with social anxiety in!

Negative self-talk can overpower any sense of rationality. How true. How is it that we naturally give so much power to the inner critic?

Small, incremental victories are the keys to overcoming social anxiety. Even though the issue seems too big to conquer, the process to overcome it is one step at a time. And it can be done! Sitting around hoping for the best will NEVER work.

How does the ripple effect mix with social confidence? One small victory leads to another and ripples into every area of life.

Social anxiety is an entire outlook on life. It’s a paradigm through which we live. Patrick Wilson in Fearless Social Confidence affirms that the process of changing this paradigm is well worth it. He cites many of the benefits of higher self-esteem and healthy self-talk.

Dealing with Criticism

Socially confident people know how to deal with criticism. They view it as an isolated incident that they can learn from. Socially confident people do not take criticism personally but compartmentalize it.

They also view the world proactively, from the position of the one making judgments. For example,

Socially anxious people worry about others liking them.
Socially confident judge whether or not they like others.

Socially anxious people go to job interview hoping to be approved of.
Socially confident people go to learn if they want to work at this company.

How do people who lack social confidence approach situations already doing the following:

  • Expecting to be rejected
  • Censoring themselves
  • Anticipating failure
  • Feeling they don’t belong
  • Wishing things would turn out differently
  • Believing they’ll make a fool of themselves
  • Refusing to be vulnerable or open up
  • Feeling helpless

Fearless Social Confidence points out this when you’re expecting rejection and failure, you’re bound to get it. In fact, you’ll likely interpret any outcome as a failure.

People with low self-confidence evaluate themselves negatively. Again, regardless of the outcome, they see themselves in a negative light. This is a set-up for failure regardless of how successful you might be.

Is this true for you?

You perform well. You could be celebrating, but instead, you chalk up the success to other people, outside circumstance, or anomaly.

Likewise, people with social anxiety interpret¬†everything as a criticism. As socially anxious people (Smart Anxious Misfits!) we’re preloaded with scripts that assume we can’t possibly be good enough. Therefore, any success must NOT be due to our competence or good nature.

This is the end of this study session!


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Mike Bundrant
Mike Bundrant is a co-founder of the iNLP Center